Friends. We all have them and we all need them. But what are friends? How would you define your friendships and why do you enjoy or need them? Would it be a different answer for different friends? Are you a good friend? Some fun reflection questions to think about.
I’ve thought a lot about this as we started planning to move but more so lately after the move and trying to get settled. Moving away from your friends and family to a place where you know no one is challenging.
I used to joke years ago with one of my good friends saying “No new friends!” (There are so many things wrong with this statement, but I’ll save that for another time, maybe.) But the point is, making new friends is tough, especially as an adult. I am thankful that I have kids because that is at least a great conversation starter and a way to connect with people who also have children. I’m now in a place in my life where I’m being forced to make new friends or just do life alone which I don’t think is the right answer. So I guess my new motto is “all the new friends!”
I have a running list of all the women I’ve met in the past 8 months. I write their name, their kid’s name(s) and ages and where I met them in hopes it helps me remember! I’ve learned we are all creatures of habit and tend to do the same things each week so I am trying to be consistent with going to different library storytimes, playgroups, swimming, etc to keep connecting with other moms.
So far I have 10 names on my list and I have 6 of their numbers. I’ve hung out with a few of them here and there or we talk every time we see each other at the same place each week. Two of them, who I never run into, stopped responding to me. I feel like a teenager all over again like, “Mom…Why don’t they want to be my friend?” What’s more surprising to me is that people just ignore texts instead of making up excuses to not hangout or something. I don’t know which is better honestly, but it just makes me question if I did something.
I’m gonna be honest tho…sometimes I don’t want to hang out with anyone and try to have a conversation and get to know them. It’s tiring and trying to hold a conversation seems impossible with kids sometimes. Relationships take work and sometimes I just want to hangout with my old friends where I don’t have to work at it and we just get each other.
Anyways, all that to say, I’m trying but not striving to make it happen. I know it will simply take time and God will bring me new friends.
One of the questions I’m still wrestling with is “How do you cultivate quality and lasting friendships when you are trying to make a new friend?” It’s made me think about how I made friends before and I realized that life happened and changed and brought me new friends. Most of my good friends were from school, sports, work, or church and they just kind of happened and most of them stuck. Obviously the depth of relationships can change, how often you hangout with someone changes depending on where life takes you, but most of my closest friends just happened and we have stayed in touch throughout the changes of life. So what this reminds me of is that I don’t need to work to make friends. I need to be active and present in my life and situation and be open to who God brings me in contact with. Naturally I will connect with some people better than others and over time those relationships will grow.
Now what if God brings someone into your life who is different from you? New friends that think differently, parent differently, live differently and sadly believe differently than you. Can you still be friends? Absolutely! We are to be a light in this dark world. We don’t just want to hangout and only talk to other Christians! God wants to use us as a tool to love and serve others and show them who He is.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Matthew 5:14-16
However, the Bible does want us to guard ourselves so I think we have to be careful how much time we spend with them, but please please get out of your Christian bubble and meet new people and show them the love of Christ. Live with them, eat with them, talk to them. Discipleship is first relational. No one wants to hangout with someone the first time and feel that they are trying to sell them something or convince them that they are right and you are wrong. We should get to know them, be genuine and authentic, not changing who we are or shy away from what we believe, but first building a foundation of love and trust then we can speak openly with them about Jesus.
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
1 Peter 4:10
“Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people.”
Ephesians 6:7
One main thing I’ve learned now that I’m a little older is to cherish friendships. Make sure your friends know how you feel about them, don’t wait to say those words at a funeral (morbid I know, but necessary! We should tell people how we feel while they are still alive!).
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
Romans 12:10
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11
“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”
Proverbs 27:9
My two friends and my mom threw me a beautiful baby shower recently. It was simple, relaxing and everything I wanted. The food was great, the weather was perfect, everyone spoiled me and my baby girl, and the fellowship was awesome. We had a beautiful time of worship, which my mom planned because I had shared with her that the thing I miss most is live worship music, which we don’t have yet. So we sang and praised God and it got me choked up and emotional for lots of different reasons.
I don’t think I took it for granted necessarily, but I miss having a community of women around me.
I have so many amazing friends back home that I will never be able to replace, nor do I want to! I miss my friends, my community, my inner support group. I love my new life up here and the beauty and the adventure and the new church and all that God is doing, but if there was one thing I wish I could change it would be being able to call up a friend and hangout.
I hate missing out on events for friends and my family. I hate raising kids away from my family and my best friends with kids. But God. Who am I to complain or question the Lord and what he is doing? Who am I to say I don’t want new friends and I don’t need them?
I think too often we get comfortable. Like I said before, I don’t always want to be friendly and make new friends and work at a new relationship or conversations. But the opposite of that is sticking to our little cliques and missing out on all the other people around us. It’s fine to gravitate towards people you are comfortable with and have that intimate circle of friends that you can trust. But if we call ourselves a follower of Christ, what kind of example would we be if we didn’t reach out to others? I feel that we should never close ourselves off to making new friends, making others feel welcomed and accepted into our group, and being gracious and kind to everyone we meet.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-35
I believe that God created us for relationships. Relationship first and foremost with Him and secondly with others. We are to live sacrificially and serve one another. So, I encourage you….it’s time to get outside your comfort zone. Especially as Christians! Meet new people, hangout with someone new, talk to your neighbors, go to a park alone and talk to other moms there and don’t just stick to what is easy and comfortable. And in those times that you don’t want to, think of me. If everyone up here stuck to their group of friends and never had a conversation with me I would forever be alone. So reach out to those women around you and connect with them, encourage them, make them feel loved and remember it is not you who is doing it but Jesus in you.
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Galatians 2:20
“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”
Romans 12:13
Jess T.
Prayer Requests
That I would be open and willing to put in the work to make new friends
That God would bring me a new community and friend group
That I would find time to connect with the women in our church
Provide a place for us to have church that has a kids space and a caregiver/volunteer
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