So I’m going to be honest with you, church planting comes with a lot of different feelings, emotions and challenges. Our very first church service, which was exactly 33 weeks ago today, was filled with lots of nerves. We weren’t sure if anyone would show up and when people did those nerves moved to excitement! I would say that feeling lasted for the first month. We had a few moments of doubtful or discouraging thoughts but for the most part we were excited with what was happening on the weekends as well as with the Bible Studies.
After a couple months, new thoughts started to come. "Were we doing enough? Why aren't more people coming? How can we get more people to come? Why are we doing this? Did we make a mistake moving up here? People don’t seem to be growing…" And so on and so on…
Sundays became more difficult for me. Zion was becoming more active and more talkative. I was being challenged with keeping him quiet during service so oftentimes we had to go upstairs. Once Olive came and we lived in a different house, I started not looking forward to Sundays. I felt like a failure as a mother because I couldn’t keep my kid quiet. I was frustrated that I couldn’t be part of the service and listen to the sermon. Knowing full well the purpose of church (more on that in a future post), I was battling my selfish thoughts wanting to be fed instead of focusing on how I can serve at the church. I was exhausted and really wanted to stay home with the kids and just let Nick go to church. However, I always said I wanted to be a pastor's wife that was present. I know there will be times I can’t make it but I don’t want to not attend church just because it is hard or because I simply don’t want to go.
I have also come to realize the hindrance I could be to this ministry if I don’t watch out. On top of battling all those thoughts, I was also wrestling with what my role was at the church and what that looked like specifically or more practically. Nick and I have been discussing this topic for years yet somehow my view was still very distorted.
So much humbling has been taking place in my heart recently. I am reminded of the pride in my heart and the desire I have for status. I think it mainly stems from insecurity that I feel I am never good enough, smart enough, wise enough, rich enough, enough to have worth or value, etc. I always felt that people may admire or respect me more if I had a title. So when it comes to this idea of Nick and I starting a church together, I had different expectations of what that looks like. I won’t get into all of it right now, as I am still trying to figure it all out, but what I will say is that I am confident that the Lord will work in my heart and change me from the inside out. I can see He is already doing that. I just don’t have the answers of what it looks like practically.
“The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says: ‘This is the covenant I will make with them after that time,’ says the Lord. ‘I will put laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.’”
Hebrews 10:15-16
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
Ezekiel 36:26
Once church moved to our house, it got a lot better. Granted, I am three months postpartum now and feeling more like myself. That might also have played a role on why I was having such a hard time mentally the past couple months.
Now I can clean the house and set up on Saturday nights and wake up early and finish on Sunday mornings. I take the kids so Nick can prep and Stephanie comes over early to help with the food, watch Zion so I can feed Olive and welcome people when they get here. The kids and I stay for prayer, announcements, scripture reading and musical worship and then we head to Zion’s room to play and watch a kid's Bible video. We come out and fellowship once church is over. So really nothing has changed with me missing the sermons or having to care for my kids and try to keep them quiet. What has changed is the convenience of it being in my home and my mindset.
Where I am at now is that my role is to first love God and try to glorify Him with my life. I feel that I can do that by serving my husband and supporting him and making sure he has everything he needs to be successful at his job. I make him coffee and breakfast and make sure he has the time to pray and prepare for service on Sunday mornings. Secondly, my purpose is to care for my children: to teach them who Jesus is, the importance of church, and how to love others.
My job is to have a clean house and prepare the food and drinks to make people feel welcome and comfortable. Lastly, to fulfill my role at this church is to pray for people and to have a willing spirit. This means that whatever comes my way, I want to be available to encourage people and point them to the truth. Prayer is so powerful and I can do it any time throughout the day even with my kids around since I don’t have availability to meet with other ladies of our church. I do still feel called to reach the mamas of Vancouver and I am doing that slowly as the kids and I go on outings. I have a list of 15 moms that I have met and I have befriended a handful of them. I have gotten close to two of them and working on a couple more hangouts with others! But for now, this is where I am at and how I can contribute to this church as well as the big C Church. Oh, how humbling it is when God gives you the role you need versus the role you want. But I wouldn't want it any other way. I am grateful for the transformation in my mind and heart and the role I get to play for the kingdom of God in this season of my life.
In regards to church growth, we have 11 people coming, making a total of 15 members. The same 10 people have been coming since April and we are thankful and encouraged that they have stayed, and are invested in this church. The best part is they are all starting to become friends and hangout outside of church! We had one new person come this month! It is a bit discouraging that we have not had more new people join us on the weekends though. The past few months have been busy moving and having a baby but we feel that these are not excuses and the church should still be a high priority. However, as we prayed, we felt that the Lord was encouraging us to focus on the sheep He has given us. We have a core group of men and women that seem committed to the vision and can be raised up to be future leaders of the church.
It has been a blessing to watch Nick grow in his role. He is doing such a great job leading this flock. He recently was faced with some constructive criticism and challenging conversations. He takes criticism so well and so humbly. I personally struggle when people criticize him or his sermons because in my mind that means they don't like him. But seeing how he handled it not only impressed me but also taught me to not care what people think, especially because this will not be the last time something of this sort happens.
Going back to focusing on the sheep God has given us, this situation was exactly that. Nick humbled himself, met with some of the members, and had a great discussion with everyone after a service. It bonded the church, and Nick is making the adjustments that the church needs. I truly believe that these situations need to happen before the church can grow. The more we can all be unified, the better witness we can be to this city and area.
Nick and Dale will continue to meet regularly with all the men to discuss life topics each Saturday for Men’s Bible Study. Stephanie and I are constantly praying for the women and she finds time to meet with them when she can. We are excited with how the Women’s Bible Study is going but are trying to figure out how to make the women more comfortable and get them to talk more during discussion time. In the next few months, we plan to start holding prayer nights where we focus on praying for each other and the church to grow. Navigating bedtime will be a challenge, and I may not be able to join the prayer night, but we look forward to gathering as a church in prayer. Nick and I want to start walking the neighborhood by our new house to invite more people. However, we are having a hard time feeling motivated especially because it's difficult to find a time with the kids' schedules.
We are still in need of a worship leader and are prayerful that the Lord will provide this person in His perfect timing. Our piano was set up a few weeks ago in our home and Nick instantly started practicing worship songs so we could have live worship. It is beautiful to hear everyone singing praises to the Lord alongside a live instrument.
“Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.”
Psalm 95:1-2
Once again thank you for reading about our journey, for partnering with us in prayer, and for
Jess T.
Prayer Requests
That God would grow our church
God would provide the church with a worship leader
We would find motivation and time in our schedules to walk the neighborhood
Nick, Dale, Stephanie, and I would be faithful with discipling the sheep the Lord has given us
That my children would be happy, obedient, and quiet on Sunday mornings
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