May was a tough month in the Turner household which explains why this post didn’t get posted at the beginning of June. It started with Zion having his third and hopefully final surgery. This recovery was much harder than the previous ones. He was much more aware and for the first 4 days, there was pain every time he urinated. There were many tears shed by all of us. Zion is a trouper as usual and we are amazed at his strength and how well he handled it all. It was so sad to watch your baby be in pain but we all survived and he is doing great now!
My mom came to town to help during his surgery but then got sick and had to fly home early. We were so thankful for her short time here as she was helpful but so sad she had to leave us earlier than planned. Nick started to get sick the day before the surgery but I think his body was so focused on Zion that it didn't actually have time to be sick. So he spent the following week in bed and tried to work when he could. I did my best to carry the full load while he wasn’t feeling well that week. Sadly the sickness then went through the rest of us one at a time. And to wrap it all up, Nick was having a bad pain on his side that turned out to be an infection on his colon. Thankfully it was not appendicitis which the doctors thought it may be an early sign of.
During this past month, there was a video going around on social media about an NFL kicker who gave a speech at a Catholic college’s graduation ceremony. It caused so much controversy on the internet because he essentially encouraged the women that their true joy won’t be found in the jobs they get and the success they have in their careers but in the husbands they marry and the kids they bring into this world. He also made a statement to the men encouraging them to own their masculinity in an emasculating culture. Personally, I agreed with almost everything he said and I also know that he was not talking to the world through an online platform but rather specifically addressing young men and women about to enter the real world who have the same beliefs as he does.
A few weeks later I saw another video online of a female actress giving a speech at a pro-abortion rally. In summary, she listed off all of her accolades, all her material possessions, and that she became wealthy all because she was given bodily autonomy at the age of 15. So to be more clear, she said I am so thankful I was allowed to kill my child when I got pregnant at age 15 so I could go on to live a life of wealth and popularity. It was heartbreaking. The anger in her voice was scary.
And to sum it all up I see a lot of moms on social media or hear women around me talk about finding themselves again after having a baby or figuring out who they are outside of being a mom. I’m still trying to figure out why becoming a mother means you lose yourself and your whole identity. But I guess if you don’t surrender to the Lord and believe that being a wife and mother is your greatest calling, then you will feel lost and constantly searching for contentment.
So as I look back at this past month personally and what I have seen on social media I have three main takeaways.
1. Our world is so lost. The fact that children have become a burden and something that gets in the way of our careers, finances, or happiness is very sad. And that we as women are not able to embrace motherhood with flexibility and joy but rather blame it as the thing that stole our happiness and identity.
Behold, children are an inheritance of Yahweh, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.
Psalm 127:3-4
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions and hardships, for the sake of Christ, for when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
My prayer is that we as women would surrender to motherhood. The good, bad, and the ugly whether you are a single mom, working mom, stay-at-home mom, boy mom, or girl mom. Stop trying to find yourself, your hobbies, your desires, and “seek first His Kingdom” and the rest will slowly fall into place. I do believe that women need friends, especially other mom friends. I believe that you should find things that bring you joy that you can do alone from time to time. I believe that quiet time with the Lord is ESSENTIAL every single day. I believe that you should find time to exercise, take your kids for walks, or move in some way to stay healthy physically and mentally. What I don’t believe is that we need to go around acting like we lost ourselves the moment we had kids. We are not the same person we were 20 years ago or even 5 years ago! We are ever-changing beings whether we have kids or not. If you are a Christian, I encourage you to live with whatever purpose God has called you to, in whatever way He has called you to do it. I bet it’s hard and not pretty and you constantly feel lost and confused. But that’s the beauty of it all. That’s when we get to see real transformation happen in our lives. I am so thankful to be a mother because it has revealed more of my sin and selfish nature than anything else has.
2. We live in a culture that distorts marriage roles and rejects anyone who wants to fulfill the roles that God gave them. It doesn’t matter if a speech is specifically addressed to a specific group of like-minded people. The world hears something they don’t like; they spew hate even though their mantra is to be loving and accepting. We are not dealing with logical thinkers. We are dealing with a world that is full of depraved minds that are following the father of lies.
You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
John 8:44
Satan is real and wants to destroy us. He uses all platforms, fears, lies, and weaknesses in a person's life to attack and deceive. The enemy is using the LGBT+ movement to blind people from the truth and pull them away from Jesus. Gender is mixed up. Our kids are being lied to and confused. And ultimately we have sin to blame.
So what can we do as Christians to combat this? Be the man the Bible requires you to be. Be the wife that your husband needs. Submit to Christ daily. Make it a goal for your relationship with your spouse to look different from the world, for your home to be a safe haven for people to run to, and for your children to see mommy and daddy living out the Fruits of the Spirit with each other and the people around them.
But you are a chosen family, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.
1 Peter 2:9
and being subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
Ephesians 5:21-31
3. It doesn’t matter how much you love Jesus. You are no better than the woman who is celebrating the fact that she is allowed to murder her unborn baby.
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Romans 3:23
We are all susceptible to selfishness and desire what we want when life gets uncomfortable. Especially with the loud and proud voices out there influencing the way we think and live without us even realizing it. Are you tired? Blame having kids. You don’t have enough money? Blame it on the fact that your boss doesn’t like you so won’t pay you more. Are you unhappy in your marriage? Blame your spouse. Instead, we should be taking ownership of our thoughts and actions and falling at the feet of Jesus daily to lead and guide us.
Open my eyes, that I may behold wonderful things from Your law.
Psalm 119:18
Sanctify them by the truth; Your word is truth.
John 17:17
Oh how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day. Your commandments make me wiser than my enemies, For they are mine forever. I have more insight than all my teachers, For Your testimonies are my meditation. I perceive more than the aged, Because I have observed Your precepts.
Psalm 119:97-100
Even though I know the truth I still fall short daily. I know what is required of me as a Christian, wife, and mother. I am committed and want to be all of those things. Yet in the fire when I’m really put to the test, I fold. I stop holding my thoughts captive and allow the sin of bitterness, jealousy, selfishness, and anger to take over. I am often guilty of buying into the lies that I deserve more “me time”, that being a mom is more difficult than being a dad or that life was so much easier before I had kids.
Don’t get me wrong. Kids rock your world. And there are many times that you need a break, and Nick and I feel this often especially with everything else going on with starting a church, our issues with our neighbor, and even the mundane things of life apart from raising kids.
In order to combat a lost world that has a low view of marriage and children and is motivated by selfishness, we realize that we need to sit with the Lord. To allow the voice of God through his Word to be the main influence in our lives. To be mindful of what other “voices” we are allowing to influence our lives, especially without us even realizing it. The music we listen to, what we watch, the accounts we follow on social media and our friend group matters. And asking ourselves tough questions like do we spend more time on our phones than we do in our Bibles?
Here is a blurb from Ask Pastor John by Tony Reinke. I don’t care if you have skimmed over all of my words, but please take the time to read this. It is both convicting and encouraging.
On Bible Reading, Bible Neglect, and Bible Memory (pg. 30)
“I’m too busy and exhausted–when should I read the Bible?”
“This question came from three listeners: a pastor, a single woman, and a mom. First, a tired pastor wrote in asking how he could recharge his body and soul after being depleted by the demands of ministry. Pastor John applied thirty years of pastoral experience and told him to plan his devotional Bible reading when he has the most energy and focused attention. Likely, first thing in the morning. "Take your best times of the day with your best energy and feed your soul. Worship the Lord over his word with your best energy, not the dregs at the end of the day. Any pastor who says, I work so hard at the demands of the church ministry that I don't have energy for feeding my own soul through Scripture and Scripture-saturated books, has got his day backward. If there are parts of the day with much energy and parts with little energy, then let one of the parts with much energy be given to what is absolutely indispensable: communion with God in his word for the sake of seeing and savoring the King of heaven. If this personal joy, personal fellowship, and personal hope languish, everything languishes-and worse than languishes usually. It's deadly. What our people need from us more than anything is the aroma of Christ." The tired pastor must steward his affections carefully, ensuring that he does not allow his affections for Christ to be deadened by a steady diet of popular media. "I believe we live in a day where immersion in popular culture-with all of its God-ignoring, sin-enjoying, pride-exalting assumptions— is not only assumed to be harmless but assumed to be necessary. Both of those assumptions are wrong— deadly wrong." Second, a female listener wrote in to say that she feels spiritually stuck and too tired for edifying Bible reading. God's word has been pushed to the margins of a life filled with cooking, cleaning, exercising, running errands, getting food, and shopping— all "classic, good, valuable things." Jesus understood these realities when he entered the house of Martha and Mary. Martha welcomed Jesus into her home. And while she was "anxious and troubled," frantically trying to pull off the impromptu hospitality and "distracted with much serving," her sister Mary "sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching." Martha complained that she was left "to serve alone." To which Jesus replied: "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:38-42). There are many things, but only one thing is necessary. "More needful than your pattern of cooking, more needful than your pattern of cleaning, more needful than your pattern of exercising, more needful than your pattern of errand-running and shopping— it's just plain more needful" You need to hear the voice of God. And yet, since the time of Christ, the word is often choked out by the busyness and cares of life (Luke 8:14). So, very practically, go to bed earlier, wake up forty-five minutes earlier, shower earlier, and then hit the coffee to "let caffeine do its magic." But if this doesn't solve the drowsiness problem, "get up out of your comfortable chair and walk around the room in circles, reading your Bible. There's nothing sacred about sitting, and it's much harder to fall asleep while you're walking. I did it just the other day? But "more important than these nitty-gritty, practical suggestions is the foundational experience that the word of God is more precious than anything" (Ps. 19:9-10). "Don't let gold and don't let food feel more valuable or sweeter than the word of God. They're not." Third, the question from a mom who struggles to get time in the word. Her husband must step in. Single moms will face particular challenges here, but "God's idea for marriage and parenting is two parents. That is his ideal. And one of the reasons for this is so that one can cover for the other and make sure that both are connecting with God through Jesus in the word every day." For the sake of mom's soul, dad should work especially hard to establish parental order. "My impression is that way too many parents today think their children should be allowed to control the atmosphere of the house. That is a big mistake on a lot of levels. So, dad, step up. Partner with your wife in establishing routines, and expect obedience — expect submission to her and to your authority. Bring "the whole atmosphere of the house" under "parental order." Next, set a playtime. In the Piper home, Pastor John took the kids for an hour after dinner. "Noël had done it all day. I can do it for an hour, and she can do whatever she wants. And if it is time to read the Bible, there she has it." Also, build in short retreats for mom (and for dad). Lead your wife in the word. Give her adult conversation in the word. Pray for her regularly. In the end, consider the discipline of Susanna Wesley, the busy mother of Charles and John Wesley and seventeen other children. "Nine of them died in infancy. That left ten. She promised the Lord that she would spend time in prayer and the word every day, and at one point, her strategy was this: she taught the older children and the younger children that the younger ones were responsible to the older. And when you see mom with an apron over her head at the table, don't bother her. Keep the kids quiet. That is my time with God, she said. So train your children with that kind of rigor. Expect obedience. Find your apron or your closet. But, dad, I am looking to you for the major support."
Nick and I spend a lot of time analyzing hot topics and controversies that are going on in our culture both in the church and outside the church. And in those conversations, we run each topic and discussion through the lens of God’s Word to not only personally grow but to gain better insight to help others in the future. We see the need for God’s Truth to be spread especially to our children as they grow up. For they, like us, are also image bearers (Genesis 1:27) of the Lord God. We know that it can be difficult to decipher the truth when there are so many influences out there that sound good.
This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way successful, and then you will be prosperous.
Joshua 1:8
But his delight is in the law of Yahweh, and in His law he meditates day and night.
Psalm 1:2
My son, do not forget my law, but let your heart guard my commandments; for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Do not let lovingkindness and truth forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good insight in the eyes of God and man. Trust in Yahweh with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear Yahweh and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones.
Proverbs 3:1-8
Therefore I, the prisoner in the Lord, exhort you to walk worthy of the calling with which you have been called.
Ephesians 4:1
God Bless you on your endeavor to be bold in your faith and be the light that this dark world needs.
Here are a few books that Nick and I both have read and highly recommend when it comes to feminism, motherhood, masculinity, and children.
The Bible
Eve in Exile and the Restoration of Femininity by Rebekah Merkle
Husband 30-Day Encouragement Challenge by Leslie Bennett, Erin Davis
Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full: Gospel Meditations For Busy Moms by Gloria Furman
The Toxic War on Masculinity by Nancy Pearcey
Jess T.
Prayer Requests
That the Lord would be our only source of influence
Nick and I’s relationship and family life would represent Christ to people around us
Parenting wisdom
That we would be a light in the city of Vancouver
Find a new space for the church to meet in (more on that in the next post)
Grow our church
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